


what a waste to be so alone

by getadoge



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: AU, Angst with a Happy Ending, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Lovers, Fluff, Light Angst, M/M, Songfic, alternative universe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-24
Updated: 2017-07-24
Packaged: 2018-12-06 11:44:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,507
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11599971
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/getadoge/pseuds/getadoge
Summary: Dan isn't sure why Phil keeps showing up at the moments he feels most alone—when he is most alone. After all, he's just friend who shut Dan out years ago. Maybe he should learn to forgive and forget?





	what a waste to be so alone

**Author's Note:**

> Parts of this were written very late at night so excuse the mistakes I haven't caught yet.
> 
> Also, this is sort of a song fic? It's loosely based off a weirder interpretation I had of the song Waste by Oh Wonder. I'd highly suggest listening to it while you read this.

  
The first time Dan sees Phil again is 5 years after senior year. He's what he'd consider a grown man at this point. 23, tired, and unemployed as of two hours ago. He's stranded at a shitty coffee shop a mile and a half from his house after missing his stop. Far too lazy to walk at this point, he orders a coffee in an attempt to find the energy to travel on back to his humble abode. He feels pathetic there under the fluorescent lights when he sees him. Former best friend Phil Lester is at another table. He still remembers it, Phil ignoring him. Half way through senior year things had changed rather suddenly. No messages answered, no eye contact, no smiles, and no laughs at midnight. In this instance Phil surprised Dan as they sat tables apart. They make eye contact and instead of the blue eyed man turning away and continuing to ignore him, he smiles? Phil gets up to approach him but Dan gets up and runs out, walking back to his flat quicker than he knew possible for his unathletic self. Two things to note about Dan are that he picks his fights and that he’d promised to give Phil Lester a taste of his own medicine. He may have no friends but he certainly wasn't going to rebuild a friendship with Phil.

\--

The second time he sees Phil is two months later and he feels equally alone. He has a new job with coworkers who all seem to hate him already. He's a defense lawyer at a new firm and he’s certainly not expecting to see anyone he knows walk in but in comes Phil. Once again, the man smiles and attempts conversation but Dan rushes out of the room, making his way to his office quickly. Dan listens on the other side of the door to see what Phil says to the secretary.

“Yeah I'm Martin Lester’s brother. He told me to drop these off, if that alright? Thanks. “ Phil says. He sounds nearly the same, his accent from back when they met has faded but he carries that same thoughtful tone.

He must of been about 15 when they met. Grade 10 and there was no denying they were instant friends. Maybe it was foolish but they planned their lives in the years leading up to their fallout and they wanted to do things like travel together. It was disappointing when they didn't get to go on any of those trips as friends.

“Could you tell Dan I said hi?” Phil adds. He hears the door gently shut behind him.

This encounter was brief but Dan still feels so mad, so upset. How dare he just walk in and be nice. His former best friend and the only man Dan could ever say he fell for. He tried his best to hide it but he wondered if Phil found out somehow. It would make sense but he never thought Phil was like that. It's been five years now so he thinks “What do I know?”

\--

Phil sneaks up on him the third time they meet. Dan's walking in the rain and has given up on hurrying at this point. He's well on his way to soaked and he still has three blocks to go until he's home. Suddenly, rain falls around him but he remains untouched. He looks up and sees a bright blue umbrella, then he pivots and is face to face with none other than Philip Michael Lester.

“Fancy seeing you again, Dan.”

“Phil.” This time it's only been a couple of weeks and Dan isn't prepared. He attempts to look confident but he swallows sharply.

“Uh can I walk you home? I wouldn't want you to catch a cold or anything.” Phil smiles shyly. He looked so confident and happy from afar but he was… nervous?

Dan only nodded in response.

There's a lot of silence and things are surprisingly not tense but each man is lost in thought, walking in their own worlds. The rain is still pouring down and hitting the ground in big, splashing droplets. Dan’s pants are soaked and Phil's wet shoelaces are slapping against his exposed calves but his shorts remain relatively dry. The wind is starting to kick up and the tall men are trying to stay close. This isn't as bad as Dan thought it could be. In fact, without Phil his night would have likely been worse.

“Dan?” They stop in front of his flat. “Would you like to get coffee next weekend?”

“Sure. “ Dan says with little thought. He isn't quite sure why he agrees. Why would he let go of his burning hate? Where did he leave his outstanding grudge? He's sort of mad at himself for letting himself even talk to Phil but he's been so alone all day. He hasn't said a word to anyone. Work was slow, he just sat by himself in his office for most of the day (filing paperwork, reviewing cases, reading his email).

“Same number?”

“Same number… And thanks, Phil.” He says with a slight smile forming on his lips. That question is the only way they attempt to acknowledge the past.

\--

It’s the fourth time they’ve seen each other when Dan walks into a Starbucks a few blocks south of his flat. Phil is sitting at a small table with two coffees in front of him.

“You've always known me well.” Dan says as he reaches for the caramel macchiato between them. All Dan is thinking as he sits down is “I said I would never come back” but what a waste that would be.

“I'd hope so.” And like that things seem normal again. They talk for hours and go through three cups of coffee each before they lose themselves in conversation and forget about getting anything more. It's two hours into their rambling that it comes up.

“Making up for lost time I guess” Phil grins

“We shouldn't have to be making up for anything” Dan lets the salt slip out for a second.

“Dan…”

“I'm sorry, forget I said anything.” He quickly shuts himself up and reaches to drink from his cup only to find it empty.

“No, Dan. I'm really sorry. I was dumb. I was coming to terms with… things and I was scared. I'm sorry I took it out on you.” Phil leaned in and grabbed Dan’s hand. “You have to believe me. I'm so sorry”

“Then answer this, Phil. Why? And what did I have to do with it?” Dan tensed, Phil visibly building up his courage in return.

“I was in love with you.”

“You were?” He stuttered. Dan’s face flushed as he pieced it all together in his head. His cheeks burned and he rushed his hands up to touch his face.

“Yeah… but I know that shouldn't have gotten in the way of us being friends” He explained.

“Phil…” The brunette shook his head “you idiot! I had the biggest crush on you for over a year.”

“You did? Oh my god, we’re so dense.” And both boys start laughing. They're sitting there in a Starbucks laughing and holding hands. Things seem alright then, with both of their tall frames bending over the table and their foreheads nearly touching.

“Can we start again? I want to mean something to you.” Phil whispers. The rain has started to fall lightly outside and in the dimly lit and quiet Starbucks there's the sound of water droplets hitting the floor like they had the lasts time they met. Smaller droplets now made patterns on the concrete as they were seeking to fill up the space in a muddier grey. Both men are staring at each other softly.

“What do you mean by that?” He smirks in return.

“I mean that I think we could be something different this time. We could try maybe. That is, if you want this too.” His voice is low

“Of course I do, Phil. Just promise me you won't go running off again.”

“I promise.”

\--

By now it's the fifth time they've seen each other _this week_. Nearly every day one man is at the others flat. They go on little late night adventures against their better judgement and they make out on the couch while watching X Files and Friends. When Phil whispers “I love you” under the covers Dan wonders if he can whisper it back. He envelopes Phil's lips in another kiss and looks up at his boyfriend. “I love you too.” He decides he can. He's always loved Phil but now he's also forgiven him.

They spend their night like they've spent the last few: exploring the corners and bones that they knew back when they were younger and so eager to think this could never be their reality.

It's when Dan has to go home one night that he realizes he doesn't really want to be by himself. After all, it would be such a waste to be so alone.


End file.
